Hey everyone! I haven't posted in a while due to business outside of this blog, but wanted to give a quick update. Yesterday was the start of classes for the semester for me, and oh my God its gonna be a lot. Undergrad wasn't super difficult for me, I got through it pretty easily with my only problems really being outside of my academic life, but I can tell that this is going to be a challenge; not in the intellectual sense, rather, grad school is just an insane AMOUNT of work. I have the first 4 chapters of one textbook, the first chapter of another textbook, 4 papers to read, several homework assignments, plus whatever I get assigned on Tuesday in my second class (which I will be starting then). On top of all of that, I also have full-time work as a requirement of my degree, since I need a certain number of supervised clinical hours. All told, this next 2 years while I get my Master's is going to be some of the most busy years of my life. My professor said that the 2 years are gonna happen in a flash, and I truly hope so; I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Beyond that, a lot of stress has been happening in my personal life. I don't want to get into a lot of it, because it requires me discuss the personal lives of friends and family, but I will say that a friend of a very close friend died, and that has been such an ordeal for them, and I wish I was better at handling death so I could give them the support they need.
In terms of what's been affecting me specifically, my grandfather's dementia is advancing, and I'm really not ready to lose him. He's been like a father to me my whole life, especially when mine was away, since he traveled often. His personality has changed quite a bit, he's more quick to anger, frustration, and aggression, which is so far removed from the man he used to be. He was the kind of person who never raised their voice, was always calm, and always happy, and now he's just so different. It feels like the grandpa that I used to have political debates with, and who always supported me no matter what, is slipping away. My dad has also had a health emergency that is scary, which potentially removes both my father figures from existence in the near future if his health problems don't improve. More members of my family have also had worsened alocholism, and its affecting his job. All told, it feels like my family is on the verge of collapse, and I can barely hold together my own life, let alone theirs. Oh well, "nothing to be done" (Beckett, 1953, p. 1). Apologies for the citation, want to force myself to get into the habit of citing everything since I'm back to writing papers and such.
Its not all doom-and-gloom, though! Since I've switched to full time, and have been promoted at my job, I'm making a little more money and working more hours, thus making susbtantially more than I was before! It'll help me a lot with my finances, which were previously pretty dire. Its also strange to know that I've been with this company long enough to have earned a promotion and a raise, makes me feel like an adult in an uncharacteristically temporally accurate assessment on my part. As a treat for my increase in funds, I bought a series on Amazon that I've been interested in a while called The Three-body problem by Cixin Liu! It seems right up my ally, and I've been interested in Cixin Liu's work for a while, him being such a famous writer and all. Am very excited to read it, and will probably give y'all my thoughts once I'm done!
That will be all from me for today. I hope wherever and whenever you are, you're happy, I love you ♡
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